The Fruity Bits Of Ivor Biggun
– the man, the myths and the hop hen tits
everything getting on top of you? Are you always dogged with catastrophe,
and feel you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time?
Well, swap hands ! Here comes Ivor, with a fistful of fun from the originator
of the one-in-a-bed sex romp! Among these songs for Merchant Bankers you’ll
discover the notorious ORIGINAL version of the W*NKER’S SONG and a few other
uni-dextrous ditties that Ivor tossed off in idle moments.
|If your old
Ivor Biggun records are now as worn as the palms of a bored monkey, here
are the worst/best bits from “The Winker’s Album” “More Filth
Dirt Cheap” and “Partners In Grime” digitally re-fumbled
to be even more horrible, and available in one bulging package, at your
convenience. The cock of the North has also been investigating his unseen
oeuvre (difficult to do without breaking your neck) and has come forth with
a couple of RARE UNRELEASED ITEMS. This record guarantees a treat for rod-wallopers,
python-pumpers, and helmet-polishers everywhere. If you’re a footballer
who dribbles in the box and is pulled off at half time, or merely an unofficial
candidate standing as an independent, you’ll enjoy these manually-assisted
melodies from the a-wrist-ocrat of cheap smut. Let’s have a warm hand for
THE CRITICS SPEAK…
‘And some people say Britain should have no censorship laws. Vile.‘
– Q magazine – December 2000
‘Horrible, horrible stuff but curiously popular as Biggun is something
of a cult (misprint)‘
– Music Week – September 2000
FRUITY BITS OF IVOR BIGGUN
Amaze your friends! The CD has a choice of 4 covers! Just buy 4 copies then
refold the sleeve to make it look like you have 4 different CD’s (and make
Ivor rich in the process)
Suspend any ideas of taste, consume an excessive amount of alcohol in the
company of total strangers and you’re ready to extoll the virtues of Biggun
– totally juvenile, purile, vulgar, coarse lavatorial smut, embracing the
lowest possible taste and humour – and that’s just a description of Austin
1. THE W*NKERS SONG. (with The Red-Nosed Burglars). The original MONO version
of Ivor’s first single-handed single. A hit in 1978, and still used for
emptying Ibiza clubs at closing time.
2. BRAS ON 45. (with the D. Kups) A song about a lady with bloomin’ great,
huge, enormous, immense, colossal, massive breasts. For some reason or other,
it’s quite popular in America, where the legendary “Dr Demento”
features it on his radio show.
3. HIDE THE SAUSAGE(New Rap Version). (with Ivor’s Jivers). Here’s Ivor’s
sausage, with a large new bit inserted into the middle, especially for your
enjoyment. Deservedly unreleased until this album.
4. I HAVE A DOG HIS NAME IS ROVER. (with the Red- Nosed Burglars) This used
to be a short traditional song, but Ivor has.. er… extended it, so it’s
now something long and rude that Rugger-Buggers can entertain one another
with in the showers.
5. HALFWAY UP VIRGINIA. (With Wellington Ramsbottom IV, and The Cowherds
Of The County). Hear Ivor put the “tree” into Country music. It
could’ve been worse, I suppose.
6. THE PUSSY SONG. (With Claude Furniture and the Litter Kickers). A song
in which Ivor imitates a cat. “The most difficult part” he confides
“was licking my arse during the banjo solo.”
7. (Nobody Does It Like) THE UKELELE MAN. (with the Red-Nosed Burglars,
The Friday night crowd at “The Swan” Fulham, and The Twickenham
Grasshoppers Rugby Team.) Sorry folks, this is a clean one.
8. THE COCKEREL SONG. (with the Red-Nosed Burglars) There is a club (“Rumours”
in Blackpool) where they regularly play this record and a naked man runs
along the bar, inadequately concealing his nodger with a rubber chicken.
Beat that, Bruce Springsteen!
9. I’VE PARTED(misprint). (with The Red-Nosed Burglars) Ivor pumped up the
volume on this, his second single. Later, he was almost arrested on a trumped
10. THE W*NKER’S ROCK AND ROLL(New Remix Version). An old favourite, organically
grown (well…hand-raised) and digitally manipulated so at last you can
hear the words. Understandably unreleased until this album.
11. ARE ‘MICE’ ELECTRIC? (with Uncle Hans Von Trapp and The Mice-tersingers).
Rude rodents and swearing.
12. HELLO MY BABY. (with Amelia Blowhard) Amazingly, this got played several
times on BBC Radio. Then somebody turned it over, discovered that the “A”
side was a song about farting, and it never apppeared again!
13. W*NKING YOUR BLUES AWAY. (with the Red-Nosed Burglars) Ukelele fans
will appreciate Ivor’s phenomenal right-hand technique. “It comes from
years of practice, shaking ketchup bottles” he claims. Oh yeah? Pull
the other one.
14. I’VE GOT A MONSTER. (with Ivor’s Jivers) Featuring two very fine gentlemen.
The late great Screaming Lord Sutch (as Dracula) and the irreplaceable Judge
Dread (as The Monster). Also, lend an ear’ole to King Kurt’s Dr. Smegma
(a Werewolf), Amelia Blowhard, and a zonking guitar solo from Fearless Phil.
15. THE MAJORCA SONG. (Filthy Version) (with Ivor’s Jivers and Norma Lee
Soba). Never mind the Balearics, here’s Ivor tromping about, surrounded
by nude Germans.
16. THE CHARABANC TRIP. (Humorous Monolgue). Ivor, putting on Ayres, recites
a perverse verse. Pianist Robin Langridge remembers “I’m not easily
moved, but during this performance, I very nearly went.”
Album is available for download on iTunes. Click on the link for:-
The Fruity Bits of Ivor Biggun